I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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