I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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