Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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