3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
