Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
