Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
