you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
