Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
