So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they're like a gay fantastic four
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
