I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
