Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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