She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
