she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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