I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
