I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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