Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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