roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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