Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
