He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
