I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
