atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
