Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
