I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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