You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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