I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
