i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
