i wish my penis had a tongue
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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