Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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