You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
