I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
