plz talk dirty to me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
