i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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