nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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