end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
