The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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