nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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