It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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