my vag is so smooth its legendary
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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