Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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