i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
His nipple licking is glorious
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