she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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