I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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