you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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