Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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