That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
