I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
