I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
