dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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