wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
