could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
