We need to rekindle our bromance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
