Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
