I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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