Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
