your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
