quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
