You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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