glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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