i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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