was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
