the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have feelings that need drinking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
