I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
