after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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