I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
