you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
